Mommy Cooking Fail

Punky is 9 months old!

He had his 9 month wellness check last Friday and he's 20.11 lbs and 27 inches long. He's in the 50th percentile for weight, which surprised the doctor. She was sure it would've been more because he looks so fat. He was only in the 5th percentile for height. I guess it's to be expected since I'm only 5'1 and Austin is 5'4. The doctor said it's fine now, but if that percentile drops any we'll need to be concerned. I'm thinking he's just inherited the shortness from both sides. Lucky kid.

They checked his iron stores and they were right on target. I was really looking forward to seeing how his iron levels are because I hear so much about how when you're breastfeeding you need to supplement with iron. My lactation consultant told me this isn't really the case, and breastfed babies are fine without iron up to a year and at that point they should be getting regular meals which should mean their iron stores are fine if they're getting a balanced diet. Guess she was right!

He has 6 teeth now, with which he likes to bite everything he possibly can. He went through a period of about a week where he was constantly biting me when I was nursing him. It got to the point to where I was scared to even nurse him because I didn't want to get bit. It hurts! Luckily that phase passed and he's back to nursing happily and distractedly (seriously...any little noise distracts this kid). I love nursing, but I'm looking forward to when I don't have to pump at work anymore. It's become a chore and it stresses me out trying to make sure I have enough for bottles for the next day. My entire freezer stash is completely gone.

In baby food news, Punkin hates my cooking. He'll still eat the purees I made, but if I try to get any kind of creative he's done. I made this meal of chicken with peas and carrots and little stars pasta with some cheese. It was good...for real, I tasted it. He wanted nothing to do with it. It kind of hurt my feelings a little just because I was so excited to give it to him. I guess it was a texture thing. I gave him a jar of Earth's Best Organic Stage 3 baby food to see how he would handle the chunkiness and he ate it up no problems. So yeah...it's just me. He's still getting home made organic baby food, but for dinner I'll give him some of the Earth's Best with some kind of meat just so he's getting more iron in his diet.

I've also started giving him more finger foods. For breakfast the other day I gave him some scrambled egg yolk and blueberries with a piece of toast. He loves feeding himself! He really loved the toast. He had to make sure he ate every little piece of it before he ate the rest of his eggs and blueberries.

Punky enjoying his breakfast

Thankful

I think sometimes it's really easy to forget how good we have it. Life can really drag us down. A lot. It's hard to put things into perspective when we're so busy focusing on one little miserable aspect of our lives. Don't get me wrong, I've succumbed to misery on more than one occasion. I've even welcomed it with open arms just to be able to feel a real emotion. But being older and wiser (I hope), things really change the way you have to look at things.

I'm thankful for security. That we have a roof over our heads and food in our fridge. I'm glad for the a/c and the refrigerator humming in the background. I'm thankful that Austin can bore me to tears playing xbox. I'm thankful that we have two cars and gas and Internet. I'm really so very thankful for my DVR. When I really stop and think about what luxuries we have, however everyday they seem, I realize we have it really good.

I'm thankful for friends and family. I seriously have the best of both and I can't imagine I would have survived myself without them. I have such a huge security blanket with them. I think that's why I swear I'll never leave Tallahassee. Home is where the heart is and mine is certainly here.

I'm thankful for my husband. I'm thankful that he works so hard for us and that he's willing to work even harder so I can be a stay at home mom (at least for the most part) next year. I'm thankful that even though we've had rough times and some crazy fights, we're both still here. I can't say enough how thankful I am that I have someone who loves me so much and really when it gets down to it, takes me just as I am. Things have been hard lately, and I still know how much he loves me. That means a lot.

Most of all (as you can probably guess), I'm thankful for my healthy, happy baby boy. It almost brings me to tears (I swear being a mom has made me such a wuss) thinking about families out there who go through a pregnancy and lose a baby. Or who have ever lost a child. I can't imagine the pain. I can't imagine I would be able to do anything besides curl up and wither away. I am so very grateful that my baby is here with me. That I can still smell him on me from snuggling with him before bedtime. I'm thankful for slobbery baby kisses and even the shrieking noises he likes to make in the middle of restaurants that I'm sure make people go "Won't they shut that kid up?!".

It's hard to put things in perspective. Honestly, everyday should be thanksgiving when we're busy wallowing in self doubt and sorrow. Most of us have it pretty darn good, and I think we'd all do well to think about everything we have to be thankful for more than just once a year.

Crawling around the living room, he stopped to snuggle my foot.

Crossroads.

So, fate has decided now is the time for my boss to know I plan on leaving.

Then again, I don't believe in fate. So I suppose I should have seen this coming.

Last week was a rough week. I was sick all week and missed more work than I should have. I guess when you're snuggled up next to a squirming and laughing little Punkin while he's trying to pull your hair, it's easy to turn that cough into something more serious.

Monday morning I came in and for some reason I just felt...off. Like I was out of place and the place I've worked for four years. It was odd. I walked in to hand something to my boss and he asked if I had a minute to talk. Uh oh.

So I shut the door and sat down and he basically asked me what the hell was going on. He knew something was up and at that point I had no idea what to say. How much should I tell him? In the end, he kept pressing me so I finally just fessed up. I told him I'm done after next tax season.

He was unsurprised and understanding. I think he knew that was the direction I was going. He told me I was not obligated to stay through next tax season if I felt like I needed to leave. I wanted to jump out of that chair and say "see ya", but unfortunately I'm not waiting for their benefit. We have a lot of loose ends to tie up. We have to get into a position financially for me to be able to leave and we're certainly not there yet. We're talking about selling my car...which kills me. I love my car. But that would be an extra $300 a month in my pocket. Anyone want to buy a Honda Civic?!

I also need to get my credit cards paid down. Cable will have to go (ugh). But whatever it takes I'm willing to do to be able to make this happen.

Last night was so emotionally draining, I'm practically a zombie at work today. I won't go too deep into it, but I'm just hoping that Austin and I are on the same page. I can feel myself going to my dark place again, and I'm trying with all my might to stay out of that hole. I haven't been there since right before I got pregnant and I'm not too keen on it with a baby.

I'm going to change the subject before I go all teary emo "ink as black as my heart" on you.

Punky is still practicing standing on his own. He's getting it for longer and longer periods of time now. He's also mastered the Joe Cool lean, where he'll lean against something and just stand there chillin'. It's pretty rad.

His new favorite word is baby. Although from him it's more like "BEH-BEE!". He loves to scream it all day long. He breaks it up sometimes to where he'll just say BEH or BEE but he's loving the B sound right now. He's also been saying "BWEE!" a lot. I'm not sure what it means but I'm thinking it's something like "I don't want a nap!" because he likes to say it when he's in his crib.

I'm hesitant to say that baby is actually is first word. He says it, but I don't think he actually knows the meaning behind it. He just likes to say it. He says Dada too but he doesn't realize that Austin is supposed to be Dada. He just likes to say "da da da da da da" all the live long day. I don't think I'm going to count it as a first until I know he understands what it means.

And just because, here is an adorably cute (and a little blurry) picture of Punky in a cowboy hat.

Punky-ween

So, I promised lots and lots of Harry Potter geekiness in the last post, and I've decided to spare you all (and when I say "you all" I mean all of you out there reading this who don't leave comments. I know you're there! I've had over 12,000 hits! hah). All I'll say is it was the most awesome awesome that ever awesomed. True story.

Punky's first Halloween has come and gone and he was completely adorable as Yoda. Austin dressed up as Luke Skywalker.

We decided to take him trick-or-treating because we're insane. Needless to say, he was totally done by the third house. He couldn't care less and the whole thing was a sham so his greedy parents could consume Halloween candy otherwise reserved for appropriately aged children dressed in the latest Target Halloween fashions.

I'm still eating the candy. :)

Punk's latest food adventure has been chicken. I guess I totally forgot what I read from www.wholesomebabyfood.com (my baby food making bible) and got white meat instead of the easier to make dark meat (since it has more fat). It turned out okay I guess, but he'll only really eat it up if I mix it really well with something to hide the texture. I don't blame him really. It's almost gritty. I think chicken and apples are his favorite so far.

Because peaches and nectarines are out of season, I had to buy them frozen from New Leaf. I guess he could just eat seasonally, but he really loves peaches and it seems like there just isn't enough fruit variety. They're harder to get soft for some reason.

I also gave him yogurt for the first time. I mixed some banana in and he ate it up in no time.

So Punkin has pulling up on everything down to a science, now he's trying to stand on his own. He'll pull up and let go for a few seconds and just stand there like "Look at me, Ma!" before he adorably plops onto his fluffy diaper butt. It's a good thing babies have that extra padding because he plops on that butt at least 50 times a day. Unfortunately, he's also gotten a few bumps along the way of his journey to mobility. I suppose that comes with the territory.

I was pretty sick all week long, so I was able to spend a little more time with him. Even though I was kind of miserable during most of it, I still loved it. 

I pretty much can't wait until Christmas. Seriously. Punky probably won't even care. It'll be just another day and he'll be super cranky from going from one family's house to another, but I'm still so excited. I can't wait to see him experience the lights and music and all the adorable sweaters I can't wait to put on him! They're just sitting in his closet begging me to take them off the hanger. Soon!

Things are of course running through my head as always, but I'm not going to get into it in this post. I can't coherently express my thoughts at the moment, so I'll just be that person who makes everything all about their baby. I'm okay with that.

Pulling Up

Now that Punky has mastered crawling, he's practicing his cruising. He's trying to pull up on everything and anything (including his baby cousins head). Of course, he's now pulling up on the side of his crib so that this adorableness is what I see every morning when I go into his room:

While I love seeing this sleepy smiley face every morning looking so proud of his new trick, as I mentioned in a post below, I can't help but think this is one more step closer to him climbing out of his crib! Also, his top two teeth are coming in so he's starting to chew on the crib railing....and leave marks! He's getting so big I can hardly stand it.

The newest thing I've made for him is butternut squash. I walked into New Leaf and they had this wonderful display of different kinds of squash and pumpkin so I figured, why not? I've honestly never even eaten butternut squash, so  I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very pleasantly surprised. It's delicious! It's even a little sweet, so I'm sure that's why Punkin ate it all up. Then again I've never seen him turn his nose up at food period so maybe it's his healthy appetite.

This weekend I'm going to Orlando with my sister and my bestie. I'm so incredibly excited to geek out over all the Harry Potter-ness at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter park, but I'm also having a touch of separation anxiety. I keep going over and over things with Austin...I know I'm probably forgetting something. I keep having these terrible visions of all the frozen milk being spoiled somehow or something more terrible that I don't want to put out into the universe. Just gotta keep telling myself everything will be fine.

Next time I update...expect a lot of Harry Potter geekiness. You have been warned.

Punkin at the Pumpkin Patch

Sunday evening, we took Punk to the Pumpkin Patch to take some pictures and to let him explore the pumpkins. It was getting close to bedtime so we didn't stay long, but we got some cute pics out of it.

He made a new friend...and wouldn't let go.

We also had some professional pictures taken by Kira Derryberry Photography. They turned out so stinkin cute. Seriously, my baby should be a baby model. Then again I'm sure every mom thinks that about their kid.

I had to choose two 5x7's and that was really hard for me. I wanted them all! I plan on ordering some extras, I just have to get the money first. My plans of going to Harry Potter world next weekend have been shattered (*tear*) so I might just go ahead and order the 8x10 I want of all of us. I have no good pictures of all of us together. It's a travesty, really.

Austin and I are working on a game plan for next year. It involves selling my car (which thinking about makes me REALLY sad) and lactation consultant classes galore so we'll see how it pans out. All I can say is I'm SO ready for next fall. It's forever away.

Meanwhile, I desperately want to get back into shape. Wait, did I say back into shape? I mean into shape because if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I've never been in shape. I've been thiner, but never really fit. I look back at pictures of myself in high school and think how thin I was, and then I remember how I hated how I looked and thought I was just SO fat. Obvi.

I have no game plan and honestly, the thought is overwhelming. I have this great picture in my mind of me just casually going through strolls in the neighborhood with Haley and her little bear, and just making healthier choices and not caring if it takes a year or longer to get the weight off. Unfortunately, I know myself better than this. I might do this for maybe a week, then I'll get on the scale and see that I haven't lost any weight and deem the entire process a big fat (literally) fail. It's a bitch of a mental block and I just haven't been able to get around it.

Sigh. I need chocolate.

Seven Months

Punky turned seven months old yesterday.

I'm not sure why things seem so different on this side of a year. I don't know why he seems so big all of a sudden. Maybe it's because he started crawling, sitting up and now pulling up on furniture all within a week. Maybe it's the way his hair is suddenly growing over his ears.

I was nursing him tonight before he went to bed and he fell asleep while eating. I can't tell you the last time that happened. I just let him lay in my lap for awhile, looking at him. His feet were hanging off my lap. For some reason, that really hit me. He's going to be walking and talking soon and if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I feel like I'm missing it.

I'm so glad I have the weekends off to be with him, but I only see him for an hour and a half at night before he goes to bed. Usually in that time, he's cranky because he's tired. Sometimes I don't even really get that. By the time I go to my mom's house to pick him up and get home it's already 6pm at the earliest. Most of my time with him is spent in the car. I've been lucky enough to be there for his firsts...I think. I know my mom wouldn't tell me even if I missed something. She knows how hard it is for me to be away from him as it is.

So I'm torn. I'm torn between knowing that working will enable me to provide things to him that I wouldn't otherwise be able to and knowing that my mom gets to see more him during the week than I do. Whenever I get full days with him and we're sitting in his room playing with maracas, and he suddenly drops them and turns to try and crawl in my lap, I just want to hold him and breathe him in and never let him go. I love those moments, and I hate that I feel like I have to hoard them all at once. It's like I have to fill a quota for the week before I go back to work on Mondays.

I think maybe part of my problem is that I'm not exceptional at anything. Seriously. I'm not a great writer, or singer or poet. I'm not a comedian like my husband. I was never a great student and I can't play an instrument. But this? Being a mom? I'm good at this. I love this. And yes, I'm one of those parents whose child consumes their entire life, taking over all conversation and social networking pages and I'm okay with it. Yes, I'm one of those parents whose child is now part of their identity and I'm okay with it.

I say this is a problem because until now, I haven't been passionate about anything. I haven't felt this need to follow something that pulls me from the inside out. Now that I have, I don't know that I can just ignore it  to continue working at a job where honestly, I'm miserable every.single.day.

I'm really hoping with everything in me that my plans for the coming year pan out. I'm scared terrified of making the wrong move. But I have to do something. And so I wait as patiently as I can possibly manage, for things to unfold in front of me.

2011 has to be my year.