The Most Amazing Wife that Ever Lived

Things are tight lately. Like, really super tight. The kind of tight where you forgo paying one bill for another because, well, that one can wait and this one can't.

I've tried saving energy. I've tried clipping coupons (can someone show me how to do that? I must be doing it wrong). I've managed to rein in my habit of buying Punkin books he doesn't need and resisting that one outfit that he needs RIGHT NOW before he gets too big. Doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

In all of this, I've wanted to strangle my husband. Yes, I know he's in school full time. Yes, I know that once he gets that degree it'll be so much better in the long run. But I also know him. I know he's got this fire burning in the pit of his stomach and I don't think even a slowly growing cable bill will scare him enough to put it out.

In case you don't know, my husband is a comedian. Not in the smart ass har-de-har-har sense (although he is that). In the goes on stage once a week (at least) and spends however long they'll give him making people laugh with dirty jokes sense. He loves it. He lives for it. He's wanted this since he was a kid.

I'm going to tell you a secret that my husband doesn't even know, and I'm sure once he reads this he'll be a bit chagrined, but I feel I have to explain. I remember the very first time he went up on stage, in front of an audience to do comedy. We were at this tiny hole in the wall restaurant with too many people crammed in. Sitting there waiting for him to go on stage, I think I was more nervous than he was. Not that he would do bad, but that he would do good.

I wanted him to fail.

Now, before you think I'm a horrible person, I didn't want this crushing experience for him. I just wanted it to be entirely under whelming for him. I wanted him to walk away thinking "meh, moving on". But he didn't. He did amazing. He won best comic that night and I knew. I just knew.

The fire started burning.

And so it still is. He wants to be a comedian. More than anything, I think. He's in school because it's the responsible thing to do. He works a job making barely enough to keep us a float because it allows him to stay concentrated on other things. If he could, if he didn't have a wife and kid to worry about at home, he'd be gone. Traveling club to club trying to make it work. Trying to find that one person to tell him he's really got something and to help him go places.

He's slowly buttering me up for it. He's slowly talking to me about competitions where he'll get paid. Club tours and feature spots. And I'm torn.

I love my husband. More than I can express. We've been together since we were 16 years old. We've been through the superficially dramatic and the kind of dramatic that hits you in the chest and makes you clutch at yourself, trying to hold the pieces together. He knows me better than anyone. Knows exactly what to say when he can tell I'm hating myself. When he sees me eye myself critically in the mirror he can say something subtle, offhand, to make me grin. As cliche and tired as it sounds, he really is my best friend.

But I know him too. He's always been a dreamer. He's always wanted something bigger than here. While I'm perfectly content to live in this town for the rest of my life, to raise my kids here and die here, he's always wanted something bigger. Now it's here. I hate this about him. I love this about him, deeply. I feel like it's my duty as his wife, his partner, his support to let him try. But it's very, very hard. Very hard not to be terrified.

I don't want to be a single Mom. I didn't sign up for that. He's an amazing father. Truly. I love how much Punkin loves him. I love how his face lights up when he sees his Daddy. Thinking about the fact that he would have to be gone, maybe whole months at a time if he really put himself into this, terrifies me. Sure he can make money, but how much? I'm supposed to work full time to pay bills and take care of a toddler? For how long?

But of course I'll let him try. He is so talented. He has something special. Something that you need to really stand out. Maybe I have a bias, but I think enough other people have told him that for him to have an ego inflated enough for him to think about jumping in to this with both feet. He swears he's going to stick with school and get that degree. I don't know if he will, but it's nice of him to try and make me feel better.

So, I'll sit dutifully at home. At work. With our baby. I'll let him try, and I'll be the most amazing wife that ever lived. And he better not forget it.

Reason #104 Why My Kid is Awesome

His passion of running-start hugs.

Punkin has perfected the art of the running-start hug. He starts from across the room, zeros in on his target and runs at top speed with arms in the air and nails the perfect hug every time. Sometimes it ends with a leap and sometimes it's just a full body slam, but it's always just right.

He's also been repeating words more frequently. His newest words are shoe, hush (said to Luna when she starts barking), see (he says this when he hands me something), and paw paw. He was saying paw paw before, but now he really knows who paw paw is and calls out for him. This is the point where we should probably start watching what we say. Sigh.

Punkin has also discovered that when he closes his eyes, everything disappears. So he's taken to walking around with his eyes closed. He also plays peek-a-boo with his eyes now. Just closing them so we say "where's Punkin" and opening them so we say "there he is!". Cracks him up every time.

I didn't lose any weight last week, which is actually pretty good because I didn't gain either. Considering I was at the beach the weekend before eating whatever I desired and partaking in some delicious strawberry margaritas with my sis-in-law, I'm going to take that as a success. I've been back on plan this week and I'm hoping I have a loss Saturday. I keep saying I'm going to fit in a work out here or there but wow, it's hard. Very little motivation and even less time do not make it easy.

I have a wedding in November that I'm a bridesmaid for, and it's really lighting a fire under my patooty (what? I'm practicing watching my mouth!) to kick it in gear. Last wedding I was in, I was the fat bridesmaid and I REALLY don't want to look at pictures this time and mourn how pretty the dress was on everyone else. I have 5 months and I would really love to have lost at least 20 pounds. That's totally doable. More would be great, but I don't want to set myself up for failure.

Lastly, I have a favor to ask of you. My cousin had a beautiful baby boy last night and unfortunately, is experiencing some complications. The baby is doing wonderfully, we just need to give Mama a boost. So please (in the words of my high school chorus teacher), if you pray, pray. If you meditate, meditate. Otherwise think happy thoughts for my cousin and her family. I want a full recovery for her!

Life is a Beach

So I'm still hanging on with my attempt to get healthy. Last week I lost significantly less than the first. A little over a pound. So my total weight loss for 2 weeks was 6.2. Not bad, not great.

I'm not really surprised that I lost that much less the second week. I was staying within my points but not really eating healthy. I usually have a ton of points left over at dinner time so I might eat a Smart Ones meal for 5 points and then eat the rest of my point in cookies. Probably not smart. This week has been problematic because we were out of town on vacation all weekend. Yeah I didn't bother trying to count points. I'll be lucky if I don't gain.

Exercise is so difficult for me to find the motivation for. Finding the time is the first hurdle. Austin has to be at work at 6 most mornings now and it's hard enough for me to wake up at that time to get Punkin and I ready so I can take him to my Mom's before work. I don't get home until 5:30 and we usually give Punkin dinner around 6 which I'm usually the one to make. The it's bath and books and bed by 7. By the end of it all, I'm too exhausted to even clean my house (I've been seriously slacking on that lately).

Weekends are really the only time I have, and even then it's hard to fit it in between naps and errands. I guess I just have to suck it up and find the time for it.

Good thing about the beach this weekend is that I walked a lot. In sand. Which is A LOT harder than I remember. I may or may not have been walking to get margaritas...but hey walking is walking.

Which brings me too the beach! I'm going to be honest. I hate the beach. Yeah, you heard me. I grew up in Florida and I H-A-T-E the beach. The heat, the people, the sand and just sitting around looking at more sand. Not for me. That said, I was actually really excited for this trip because it was Punky's first beach trip and I couldn't wait to see how he liked the water.

Austin's Mom and Step-Dad generously rented a beach house for Memorial Day weekend and invited Austin and I and his sister (and our respective children) to stay. We drove out Saturday afternoon. That morning I had a photo shoot with my sister and her kids so Punkin hadn't had a nap all day and was exhausted. I was so sure he'd sleep the whole way. I was wrong! He slept for maybe 15 minutes, woke up and fell asleep again when we were about 1/2 an hour away.

Still, we took him to the beach pretty much as soon as we got there. He loved it! He loved the water and played in the sand for a long time before he was ready to go in.

That night was not good. He didn't want to go to sleep. We usually put him to bed around 7 and we tried to stick with that routine, especially since he didn't get that much of a nap. He didn't fall asleep until 10:30 and cried pretty much the whole time until then. Even with us going in and trying to soothe him, no luck.

The next night was much better. He even took a couple of naps that day. All in all, it was a really great trip, and even though I always say I hate the beach I had a really great time. I don't hate it so much after all. Except for the sand. I really hate sand (seriously..it's everywhere!).

When we got home Monday morning, I put Punkin down for a nap around 11 and he didn't wake up until 4:30. I suspect he's teething again. He's had a low grade fever off and on and has been generally more whiny that usual. Any Mama's out there have any suggestions on how to soothe a teething baby? I'd rather not use teething tablets or orajel if I don't have too. We've been giving him Tylenol for the fever if it gets too high for my comfort but that's about it other than his frozen teething rings.

Here are some pics from our beach trip:

Hanging out on the deck.

Eating some yummy watermelon.

Look how curly his curls are!

Grown Up Night

Friday night I had a grown-up night. It was awesome.

My bestie just got back into town from Ireland (I know, right?) and came over to spoil my baby more than he already is and to have a girls night. She brought Punkin back a really neat all natural wooden drag along snail. It's terribly cute and Punky loves it.

The second one is an action shot. He loves dragging it around the house.

Bestie also gave us a really neat book called The Tale of Lundravar the Dragon. It has the most amazing art inside. I haven't read it yet, I've just flipped through at looked at the awesome art.

I can't wait until Jax gets old enough to enjoy it with me!

After the spoiling had been done and an extra few minutes of hearing about adventures in Ireland, we went for pedi's and drinks. It was so nice just to get out and relax with a girlfriend. I haven't had a pedicure since right before I had Jax and boy did I need it. I was very good and only had half a screwdriver. I had to weigh in the next morning!

So Saturday morning was my (second) first WW meeting and weigh in. I lost 5lbs this first week. I don't know why, but I wasn't near as excited about it as I thought I would be. I mean, I'm glad I lost, but it feels like I have such a long way to go that it's not such a big deal. I feel so unmotivated lately for some reason. I'm still following the plan and trying to make healthy choices, but part of me always wants to say "eff it".

But the other part of me that saw the pictures of myself from my nieces birthday party this weekend is screaming on the inside and dutifully counting points. Seriously, Facebook should ask your permission before someone tags a picture of you. It would take the hassle out of me having to go through and untag pictures of myself. I wish I could delete pictures from other peoples pages.

After the birthday party and after a very grumpy baby got a nap, Punkin had his second of a million bloody boo boos. He fell and I suspect he had this thumb in his mouth at the time and his nail cut his lip and that thingamajig that connects your upper lip to your gums (I cut that exact same thingamajig when I was little). The blood was plentiful. It was super scary for a minute. Partly because of all the blood, and partly because I thought he might need stitches and his insurance hasn't been approved yet. Yikes! He was grumpy for a few hours after but of course  he was perfectly fine.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Lots of laundry and cleaning, and a walk around Lake Ella with the family. Jax loved seeing and chasing the ducks. They're about as big as he is so I was a little scared one would turn around a chase him back, but thankfully they were all pretty whatever about it. After our walk we went to Publix where Punkin enjoyed a cookie.

Yeah, he made a mess. We had to stop at the pharmacy and ask for some paper towels. He didn't know what the problem was.

And so another week begins. Time to hitch that smile back into place.

Tired

I mean that in every sense of the word.

I'm constantly tired. all.the.time. It go to bed at 10 and wake up at 7 so you would think I'd be well rested. Between my dog chewing on herself all night and my husband schlepping into bed at 2AM I know I wake up a few times a night. If I'm totally honest with myself though, it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'm carrying around extra weight and my diet leaves something to be desired. That and my sedentary lifestyle.

So, I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself. I'm tired of being winded after 5 minutes of chasing my toddler around the house.

Believe it or not, I've actually taken a step to do something about it. I joined weight watchers again. I don't know why, but even seeing that typed out is embarrassing. Like I know I'm overweight, but I'm hoping you didn't notice, so admiting it out loud is ruining all hope that maybe you don't think I'm as fat as I really am, even though you're obviously not blind or you wouldn't be reading this. So, yeah.

I did WW a few years ago and lost almost 20 pounds. I stopped going to the meetings when I thought I could do it on my own no problem since I had all the basics. Wrong. I didn't have the accountability, and between having a baby and being generally lazy, I'm now almost 30 lbs heavier than I was when I first joined a few years ago (meaning I gained back that 20 plus almost 30...YIKES). My husband is tired of hearing me complain and to be honest I'm tired of hearing me too. I have my first meeting tomorrow, and assuming the rapture doesn't happen as has been predicted (seriously...google it...good stuff!) I'm hoping for a good loss to keep my morale up. WW is a sloooow process, but better than other diets I've tried because it's realistic. Really I can eat whatever I want in moderation. Plus, I've always heard the slower you lose the slower you gain.

Also, what I've been doing for the past 3 years obviously ain't werkin.

On to other non-jiggly related items!

There's this thing that happens in my house every night. Between the hours of 5-7 PM, no matter how many naps or snacks or even a desperate attempt at a Blues Clues peace offering, the Baby Witching Hour starts and pandemonium takes over.

Seriously though, my kid is so grumpy during this time it's comical. I have no idea why it is. He can even take a late nap and sleep until 6 PM, but he's going to wake up grumpy. We usually put him to bed at 7 and even if he has that late nap, he's ready for bed at 7. Until then, he mostly runs around trying to get into to this and throwing himself at us in a fit of wails and kisses when we tell him no (he wants reassurance that we still love him...who can blame the kid?!).  Do any of you go through this with your kids? Any tips of distraction?

Punkin is at that stage now where he's babbling constantly and he's actually saying something. We just don't speak his language so we have no idea. He'll repeat whatever it is over and over again trying to get his point across and all we can do is nod in agreement and laugh at his insistence. He says about 8 actual words right now, which we hear interspersed in his babbling. He can tell us what a doggy says now, which is hilarious. He'll walk right up to Luna and "ruff ruff ruff" at her. I die of cute overload at least 5 times a day (more on the weekends, of course).

Tomorrow is my baby niece's 1st birthday. I can't believe she's a year old already! In honor of Punkin's partner in crime here is an adorable (and iPhone blurry) picture of the two of them:

Oh, hello there.

Once again, it's been a month since I've updated.

Punkin is now walking running everywhere. He's all over the place! It hasn't been without it's bumps and bruises, but it never seems to bother him.

We moved! It really happened all of a sudden. My Great Uncle has a house that he rents and needed some renters. We needed some space. It worked out great! We managed to get out of our lease at our apartment and moved in last week. We really love it. It's a three bedroom with a fenced in back yard and wood floors in every room. It's actually not much bigger square footage wise but it feels huge compared to our last place. There's lots of room for Punky to run around in the living room and there's lots of room for Luna to run around in the back yard. It's worked out great so far!

I have one more box to unpack and I'm done. I can't believe I got it done so fast!

Tax season is over (thank goodness!). I'm not going to lie, it was a rough one. I think my goal was just to get every done as quickly as possible so I could get home to my baby before he went to bed. I made a lot of small mistakes in the process, effectively making me feel like an idiot. It happens though, and I'm very lucky to have an understanding boss.

Austin is back in school and starts full time this summer. He's very excited to jump in with both feet. I'm proud of him for how well he's doing.

Punky is going through a phase of not really wanting to eat. He eats...just not much and only certain foods. I'm keeping my fingers crossed he doesn't develop his dad's picky pallet. That mixed with his constant running around and exploring has him thinning up. Don't get me wrong he still has his big ol' belly, but it's slowly getting smaller. I put a pair of shorts on him the other days that literally fit him the week before. They fell to his ankles when he was running around at my office. I'm hoping this is a normal growth spurt!

I have no pictures to share today, as I'm on Austin's laptop, but next time! I promise!

Bad Blogger

Yep, that's me!

Things have been so crazy! Tax season has me working weekends and leaves me exhausted during the week. Punky is napping and Austin took the puppy to the park so I figured I should make a post while I'm thinking about it.

I have a 13 month old! His party was a big success and he dug into that cake so hard it looked like a big pile of gray mush by the end of it. We went with a Winnie the Pooh party theme and he loved it. He's a big Pooh bear fan.

He's now walking like a pro everywhere. He tries to run but his feet get away from him and he ends up face planting most of the time. But he's pretty good at catching himself.

He's teething hardcore right now so he's usually pretty grumpy. He had two molars on the top break through and now there are two on the bottom about to come through. His gums are so swollen, it looks so painful. Needless to say, he's been a very grumpy boy. Thankfully he's still been sleeping through the night.

He's a dancing machiene! He loves the hot dog song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and every time it comes on he drops everything to break it down. It's hilarious and I think I've gotten 5 videos just of him dancing to that song.

Austin has finally been accepted for financial aide and he's on his way to being a full time student. I'm excited for him, and proud! Now I just can't wait for him to get done so he can start a career already!

That's all I can bring myself to share at the moment. Hopefully I can update more soon!