So yes. Word is out to the masses. Austin and I are expecting a 2nd little bundle of joy (and poop) at the end of May. My doctor originally told me the end of June, but that math does not make any sense since I'm measuring 10 weeks. So I've taken it upon myself to correct him without him knowing. :)
Let me assure you, this was a complete shock. If I count backwards to find a date of conception, I was on my period. Doesn't make any sense and I still have no idea when it happened. I'll be honest and say with Punkin, I had a sneaking suspicion and even kind of hoped for it. Don't get me wrong, I totally lost my shit whenever I found out with Punkin. There were wails of "I CAN'T DO THIIIIIIIIS!" and Austin standing in front of me flapping his arms uselessly. But I can't say I was surprised.
This time though...shock. And terror.
I was only a few days late and kept telling myself there's no way even though Austin was picking on me for it. One morning I was nauseous and actually had to run to the bathroom. That didn't even tip me off. What REALLY tipped me off was the fact that my acid reflux had been acting up, which it hasn't really done since I had Jax. I remember just freezing and thinking "Oh, no. No, No, No."
I talked myself down and went to work and after being there for about half a second I couldn't take it any more. I went to the store, got a pregnancy test and took it right there at work in the ladies restroom. I do not recommend this. Seriously, don't even think about it. I absolutely crumpled right there on the floor of the bathroom and had a meltdown. As soon as I could collect myself enough to move, I ran to my desk, grabbed my stuff and hightailed it home.
Austin must have been having some sort of psychic calling because my phone rang as soon as I got into my car and it was him. I sobbed to him that I was pregnant and I swear he was silent for a good 2 minutes before he finally said "Can you come home?". Already on my way!
He panicked with me for a good 5 minutes and then of course, he was excited and making plans. I think I panicked for a good week before I was able to have a semblance of excitement.
I don't think I was truly excited until our appointment with the OB yesterday. Seeing that little blob on the screen wiggle it's little legs just made it so real.
I'm still scared. I had actually been thinking how okay I'd be just to have Punkin. I love being able to give him my full attention and love on him all day long. I feel a little guilty actually. I don't want him to feel like he comes second, ever. I know people do this every day so I just have to put on my big girl panties and figure it out I guess.
First tri is definitely having her way with me. I'm sick most days, but if I stay on top of when I eat and eat meals and snacks with protein I'm a bit better. I'm exhausted all the time. It takes some serious motivation for me to get off the couch and clean anything in my house (please don't come over. It's for your own safety). I'm WAY more emotional this time already than I ever was with Punky. I've never been one to cry at movies or TV shows, but man. One little thing can set me off. Especially if it has anything to do with kids.
I'll take it all though, if it means I'm able to have a healthy baby. The payoff is definitely worth it in the end. I just have to keep telling myself that whenever I start complaining (which let's face it, is pretty often).
So there you have it. I'm pregnant and scared. And happy and excited. Can't wait to find out what we're having!
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