Baby Eve

Tonight is the night before our baby girl is born. This time tomorrow I'll be in a morphine drip induced haze stuck in a hospital bed, and I'll also be a Momma for a second time.

I have so many mixed emotions right now. I'm not even that scared about the surgery. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure as soon as I get there tomorrow I'll suddenly remember I'm about to get sliced open. But for now, I have so many other things on my mind.

Punkin is slumbering at his Nonnie and Paw Paw's house. No idea what's about to happen tomorrow. No idea that his world is about to be absolutely turned upside down. Momma and Daddy will suddenly be Momma and Daddy to this little squalling red thing, and we won't have the time to give him the attention he's used to getting. I'm a little sad he's not here tonight. He'd be sleeping. But he'd be sleeping in the next room. Right next to us.

I guess I'm just a little sad that he won't be our only baby any more. I'm worried about how he'll adjust. I'm worried about this weekend and how everything will work out with him back and forth from the hospital to home.

I guess all this is preventing me from worrying too much about our sweet girl's arrival. With all that said, I'm incredibly excited to finally meet our baby and see what she looks like. I'm excited to hold her and to re-learn nursing together. I'm excited to get her home and get in to a routine. The surgery part just hasn't hit me yet.

So here I sit, guzzling grape soda and munching maple nut goodies. Watching TV as loud as I want and doing laundry because no, I haven't even started to pack a bag yet. Tomorrow our world will change, and we will welcome a new little soul into our hearts and home.

More on that next week when I'm human again.

Anniversary

Today marks 4 years that my husband and I have been married.

Austin and I are high school sweethearts. I know, right? But it's true. We've been together 9 years, although that 9 years has been off an on and filled with the perils and turmoil of teenage heartache.

Here's the thing, when you're with someone since you're both 16 years old, things get a little hairy. Imagine yourself at 16. Okay, now imagine yourself today. See? So many changes happen between 16 and 25 to an individual, it's really hard to grow together.

So, we started dating at 16. We were young and in "love" and full of drama. It was magical and intense and surely the greatest thing ever. We went through a couple of "I'm done with this!" moments that never lasted more than a few weeks before we couldn't resist the pull. We moved in together pretty quickly after I graduated, and it was fabulously grown up of us (sarcasm). Eventually, Austin moved to Buffalo, NY for a period of time. Some of that we were together for, and the end of it we were not.

I really think that time was a big turning point in our relationship. It allowed us to have time apart where we couldn't get sucked back in to the turmoil of it all because he was several states away. He was able to hang out with friends and do what he wanted (I probably don't want to know what half of it was), and I was able to do the same. For me that meant watching Lost on Wednesday nights with friends and Dallas reruns with my dad, but hey. That's my idea of a good time.

When he returned from Buffalo, we pretty much picked up where we left off, only it was different. We both had a fresh perspective and a much more adult view of the relationship. This is where I learned to pick my battles. To respect that sometimes, he just needs to hang out with the guys. And also I learned to accept that Austin is a dreamer. His feet may be planted on the ground for my sake, but his head is in the clouds. I had to decide that I was okay with that, and he had to realize he needed to keep those feet planted and embrace being an adult.

We were married at 21 in a wonderful ceremony led by my bestie in my parents back yard. There were a grand total of 17 people in attendance, and if I had to have a wedding (which I didn't want to. I was all about eloping in the middle of the night and not telling anyone), that's the one I wanted. It was small and it was intimate and it was low stress. We were surrounded by people we both knew by name and face without struggling to remember, and people who've known us and our relationship since the beginning.

At 23 I got pregnant with our little Punkin and now at 25 we're baking a little girl, to be done in about two weeks.

At 4 years of marriage and 9 years together, we're still learning lessons. We still have to be careful to grow together, and not apart. It's so easy to go in separate directions when you've been together for so long and you've heard all the stories and done so many things and fought over the same issues over and over. It's hard to stop. It's hard to take a step back and say "Okay. Maybe I'm not always right and maybe there's a valid argument on the other side.". I'm not going to lie and say my marriage is perfect and that we have a neat little system where everything works. We don't. We struggle with money and we struggle with our separate responsibilities. But we try together and we work together and we cry together and we are together.

At the end of the day, we love each other very deeply. We respect each other and all we can do is keep working on it and keep on loving each other.

Here's to the last 4 years and hopefully to many, many more.

 

First kiss as a married couple!



Cloth Diapering - So Far

So we have been cloth diapering Punkin for a couple of months now, and here's what I've learned so far:

• My child is the most well hydrated child that ever lived, evidenced by the massive amount of pee he has stored in his toddler bladder (we've been letting him run around naked to air out his bottom and hopefully to aide in potty training. It has not).
• Diaper Sprayer - totally overrated. Maybe it's me? Maybe toddler poops are different? But to me it was kind of a pain to try and spray all the stuck on poo off in the toilet without getting that nasty back spray. It felt like every time I sprayed a diaper, I needed to disinfect the bathroom after. Also, it didn't fit quit right on our toilet, so we were having leaks everywhere. This may be gross, but the jet setting on my water hose outside works way better.
• Laundry is tricky business. Pre rinse on warm or cold? Wash with what kind of detergent? HOW THE HECK DO I GET THE POO SMELL OUT OF THESE DIAPERS?!
• The sun is a magical force created to get the poo smell out of these diapers. Seriously. I had always heard it was great for the stains, which I find are much worse on the diapers with natural fibers, but I love it more for helping my dipes and inserts smell fresh again.
• There's a difference between "soap bubbles" and "agitation bubbles". Learn the difference before you do 6 rinses trying to get the bubbles to go away (blush).
• Spraying poo and touching pee soaked fabric is so much better than spending $15 a week (at least) on disposables. Seriously. It's already so worth it to not get down to that last diaper and think: shit. I have no gas in the car, no diapers for my kid, and no money in the bank.

Thanks to my lovely friend  Haley, I had a smashing cloth diaper shower (which I swear I'm getting thank you notes out for soon. No seriously.) and was able to get a lovely stash of diapers for Punkin to use until he's potty trained, and for baby girl to use once he's done with them. The difference in these and the ones he had been using are amazing.

GroVia - Seriously wonderful AIO diapers. The material is divine, they look cool and they're made from natural fibers. They're super absorbent and come with an extra insert, which is great for my super soaker.

I also have some of the hybrid's, which I was so sure was going to be my favorite diapers. Now I'm not so sure. They are basically a shell with a snap in insert. You can switch inserts in the shell, essentially creating the need for less actual diapers. My problem is I'm not sure the insert is enough absorbency for my toddler. Plus, the diaper shell would get wet with pee, which automatically made me think it's done for. But now I'm reading just to let the shell air out and use another shell and switch between them. But...won't they smell like pee? Maybe I'm over thinking this!



Thirsties Duo Diaper - Love these! They have a microfiber insert that snaps together with a hemp/cotton insert which is awesome. Super absorbent. They also have those fancy leg gussets you can see in the picture, which is great for catching those poo-splosions (I'm hoping especially for that newborn poo!). I love the velcro for a squirmy toddler, but they also have snaps which is better for us because our kid loves to be naked. And pee everywhere.

BumGenius One Size - I really like these because they just seem really durable. The material is great and it fits super trim, which I love. Don't get me wrong, a fluffy butt is cute, but it's nice when Punkin can fit into his jeans without looking like he has some serious junk in the trunk. I've been using these for night time with both inserts and a prefold for extra measure, and was ecstatic about not having leaks. Unfortunately, he soaked through one just the other night. I'm thinking we need to try and limit fluid intake before bed. I swear he pees a gallon in his sleep.

So! We have a good stash (although I have to keep myself browsing for more. I mean, you can't have too many, right?!) and I'm now able to do laundry every other day, which is fabulous. Doing it every night was so daunting and I couldn't help wondering if the cost of not using disposables was being replaced in our utility bill (it wasn't).

I'm sure once baby girl gets here (16 DAYS!) I'll have more to say on cloth diapering a new born. Until then, does anyone have suggestions on slowly introducing potty training to a 2 year old? He's definitely interested and he knows you're supposed to go pee pee and poopee on the potty, but I'm not sure if I should push it any further or let him figure it out. Suggestions?

Almost Time

3 weeks. I have 3 weeks until our baby girl graces us with her presence and our lives go into adjustment mode. I'm SO ready.

Tax season is officially over (thank goodness!) so I feel like myself again. I haven't had to bring my computer home to do work in a week and it feels AWESOME. I'm still super tired from being 8+ months pregnant, but at least I'm not tired and angry at the world for having to work so darn much.

A very sweet friend threw a cloth diaper shower for me, and it was a great success! It was awesome getting to see friends and family and just chatting with everyone, and we scored some great loot! I think we're all set for our cloth diaper adventure.

We've actually had Punkin in cloth for a couple of months now, and it's been amazing to not have to panic when I'm down to one diaper and have no money. That's happened more times than I can count! The cloth I had him in before was a cheap brand that I bought on eBay. I didn't want to spend too much when I'm hoping to start really potty training soon. It's been going really well so far, and we were gifted some diapers that work for Punkin as well as baby girl down the line so I'm able to use those now too. I love them! The difference in quality is amazing. We also got a diaper sprayer, which I can tell you is a lifesaver when it comes to cloth diapering!

Diapering a newborn I'm sure will be a little different, but now that I've gotten a taste of it I'm pretty confident. Plus, not having to buy diapers for two different kids is already SO worth it!

Austin has been moving forward steadily with his comedy. He did a show in Orlando last weekend when he was in town for his aunts wedding, and they're going to give him some (paid!) feature spots hopefully in the near future. Him getting paid to do comedy would be amazing for both of us, so hopefully things keep moving in the right direction.

I've been slowly starting to panic over the little things we still need for baby girl. I haven't gotten her room finished and I'm starting to realize I have very little newborn and 0-3 month clothing for her. I'm hoping to get a few more hand-me-downs and I have another shower that my awesome sister is throwing me, so hopefully after that we'll be set! At least she'll have cute diapers to cover her tush. :)

Hopefully my next post will be before baby girl and will not be so very boring. But boring is good right now! The less chaos, the better!

Still Alive!

With tax season in full swing and a very active toddler running around, I haven't had much time to even think about posting!

I don't know if two is some magical number, but it seems like since he turned two Punkin has all of a sudden decided to grow up and learn new things every day. He's diligently working on his letters and numbers, and he's also studying the fine works of "colors". The way he says purple slays me every time.

He's got a full vocabulary now and even though I can't understand him sometimes, he still looks me right in the eye and repeats himself while I say "uh-huh" and nod my head in approval at something I'm really not sure of. He repeats EVERYTHING so we've had to be really careful about our language...we've had a couple of slips and while hilarious, I do not want my child to start cursing on the regular.

We've been busy this past week getting things ready for baby girl's arrival. On Saturday we set up her room which included moving the changing table from Punkin's room to her room. I think he's starting to stress about the change a little. He was definitely confused on Saturday as to why there is another crib set up that he can't get in and jump on. He didn't like that we moved some of his stuffed animals that he doesn't play with in to her room, so I had to rescue a giraffe from the baby's crib for him to hold and snuggle and then promptly throw down. He just seems to want more attention and snuggles lately, and I'm pretty okay with that.

Sometimes when Austin and I are playing with him, or when we're cuddling on the couch watching "fishy" (that's Finding Nemo for those uneducated in toddler speak) I get a little sad that he's not going to be my only baby any more. I worry about giving him enough attention with having a newborn to nurse and change all day long. I know once she gets here I'll be able to figure out a balance, but for now I'm just trying to soak up as much one on one time with Punkin as possible.

I had a doctor appointment today and baby girl is already weighing in at over 4lbs. Punkin was 8.3 when he was born so I wasn't expecting a small baby or any thing. They said she'll probably be around the 8lb mark but I'll also be having her a week early due to a repeat c-section and girls tend to weigh less so we shall see. I've started getting her clothes together and I've got her bedding in the crib already (I couldn't wait!) so we're patiently waiting.

I only have 7 more weeks to go! Gulp!

Letter On Your Birthday

Dear Punkin,


Today, you are two.

It seems impossible that a whole two years ago, I was in the hospital with you. A whole two years ago, I choked up over the doctor telling me you had red hair when he pulled you out. A whole two years ago I heard your first cry, the first sound you ever made coming in to this confusing world, out of Momma’s safe womb. I looked at your Daddy then, wide-eyed in disbelief. Did we seriously just have a baby?

We did. From the moment I saw you, hair red and curly, I loved you. Really, from the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, I loved you. I was amazed from the beginning just how different this love was from any other kind I had experienced. Love of my family, my friends, my husband. Nothing was quite like the love I had for you before I even held you.

I love you with my whole heart. I love you unconditionally. I even love you (heck I even still like you!) when it’s 6:00 and I’m trying to make dinner and you’re tugging at my pants leg and whining about num num. When you pitch fits and throw things and pull my hair. I love you then, too.

I see your mind grow every day, and I love seeing you learn new things. Even something as simple as what an elephant says makes my heart expand with pride. When you learned how to jump with both feet off of the ground, I was certain you were the cleverest boy in the world. I watch you dance and I listen to you sing. I watch you roll around on the floor with Daddy and try desperately hard to make puppy understand that you just want to play, despite chasing her with the broom. And I know one day these things will be silly. I know one day you won’t want to dance and sing with Momma, or roll around on the floor with Daddy. So I hold on to these moments as much as I can. I hug you and kiss you even when you protest just because I know one day it won’t be fun to give Momma kisses. So I’m storing them for the day I get an eye-roll when I ask for a hug or kiss.

I hope I do a good job as your Momma. I hope I nurture your learning and help you to grow into a good man. I hope seeing what a good Daddy your Daddy is will help you be a good one in turn. I know you are going to be such a good big brother. You already give baby girl kisses on Momma’s belly, and when you say hi to everyone around you, you even say hi to your sister.

I hope this next year is filled with as much wonderment and learning and growing as this past year was. I’m very much looking forward to learning with you.

Love,

Momma

The loves of my life, on a fun filled birthday celebration at the zoo.

Hey, Life? Here's the thing...

...you're kind of in my way.

Things have been so busy lately. With tax season in full swing here and having to work Saturdays I feel like I have no time or energy for much of anything. Also, we finally got our refund money which meant taking care of a lot of things that needed to be taken care of.

Namely, we got a van! Hooray! I was kind of stuck in a "great, mom-mobile" kind of mood about it at first, but I totally love it. It's a 2007 Honda Odyssey and it's amazing. It's big and fancy and the color is called "Nimbus". Yes, I know it's not just a broom, but even still I love the Harry Potter reference.

The sacrifice for this was trading in both our cars and driving around my sisters' old Chevy Cavalier. It's pretty much a hunk of junk, but it's payment free and the insurance is cheap so I try to keep that in mind when I'm sitting in the parking lot wiggling the wheel and turning the key over and over trying to get it to start.

So, it's saving us a couple of hundred dollars a month, plus we can fit two kids in it (our Civics barely fit Punkin's car seat, I can't imagine stuffing two kids in there!) and a dog if need be, so the trade off is worth it.

I'm not for sure leaving work after baby girl gets here, but I am for sure going part time at least. That means I'll still be pumping at work which is a bummer, but at least I'll be home more. I'm hoping that at some point Austin can go full time keeping my brother for my parents, and then we'll be making enough to where I can stay at home full time. But for now, I'm satisfied with at least working less.

We've purchased the bedding, the crib and I've set up my cloth diaper registry as well. I've debated for months over whether I should move Punkin into a big boy toddler bed or if we should just get another crib. We decided just to get another crib. Punkin's crib is a 4-in-1 so it converts to a toddler bed and a full size bed, so I figured it made sense financially just to get another 4-in-1 and not have to buy a toddler bed that he'll eventually grow out of and then another bed. Plus, I really don't think he's ready for a big boy bed just yet. I don't want to introduce that change to him when so much is going to change already with a little sister.

Also, Punkin is going to be 2. TWO. Next weekend. Um, say what? Where the heck did the time go? He's suddenly reminding ME that he has to brush his teeth before bed. He's putting away his blocks without me having to even ask. He's singing songs that make no sense but they sound so sweet anyway. Sigh. I really miss when he was a little baby. But I guess I'm having another one so I can soak up these sweet toddler years while they last.

Ruling the roost while Daddy is at work.