Friday, October 22, 2010

Pulling Up

Now that Punky has mastered crawling, he's practicing his cruising. He's trying to pull up on everything and anything (including his baby cousins head). Of course, he's now pulling up on the side of his crib so that this adorableness is what I see every morning when I go into his room:

While I love seeing this sleepy smiley face every morning looking so proud of his new trick, as I mentioned in a post below, I can't help but think this is one more step closer to him climbing out of his crib! Also, his top two teeth are coming in so he's starting to chew on the crib railing....and leave marks! He's getting so big I can hardly stand it.

The newest thing I've made for him is butternut squash. I walked into New Leaf and they had this wonderful display of different kinds of squash and pumpkin so I figured, why not? I've honestly never even eaten butternut squash, so  I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very pleasantly surprised. It's delicious! It's even a little sweet, so I'm sure that's why Punkin ate it all up. Then again I've never seen him turn his nose up at food period so maybe it's his healthy appetite.

This weekend I'm going to Orlando with my sister and my bestie. I'm so incredibly excited to geek out over all the Harry Potter-ness at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter park, but I'm also having a touch of separation anxiety. I keep going over and over things with Austin...I know I'm probably forgetting something. I keep having these terrible visions of all the frozen milk being spoiled somehow or something more terrible that I don't want to put out into the universe. Just gotta keep telling myself everything will be fine.

Next time I update...expect a lot of Harry Potter geekiness. You have been warned.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Punkin at the Pumpkin Patch

Sunday evening, we took Punk to the Pumpkin Patch to take some pictures and to let him explore the pumpkins. It was getting close to bedtime so we didn't stay long, but we got some cute pics out of it.

He made a new friend...and wouldn't let go.

We also had some professional pictures taken by Kira Derryberry Photography. They turned out so stinkin cute. Seriously, my baby should be a baby model. Then again I'm sure every mom thinks that about their kid.

I had to choose two 5x7's and that was really hard for me. I wanted them all! I plan on ordering some extras, I just have to get the money first. My plans of going to Harry Potter world next weekend have been shattered (*tear*) so I might just go ahead and order the 8x10 I want of all of us. I have no good pictures of all of us together. It's a travesty, really.

Austin and I are working on a game plan for next year. It involves selling my car (which thinking about makes me REALLY sad) and lactation consultant classes galore so we'll see how it pans out. All I can say is I'm SO ready for next fall. It's forever away.

Meanwhile, I desperately want to get back into shape. Wait, did I say back into shape? I mean into shape because if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I've never been in shape. I've been thiner, but never really fit. I look back at pictures of myself in high school and think how thin I was, and then I remember how I hated how I looked and thought I was just SO fat. Obvi.

I have no game plan and honestly, the thought is overwhelming. I have this great picture in my mind of me just casually going through strolls in the neighborhood with Haley and her little bear, and just making healthier choices and not caring if it takes a year or longer to get the weight off. Unfortunately, I know myself better than this. I might do this for maybe a week, then I'll get on the scale and see that I haven't lost any weight and deem the entire process a big fat (literally) fail. It's a bitch of a mental block and I just haven't been able to get around it.

Sigh. I need chocolate.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Seven Months

Punky turned seven months old yesterday.

I'm not sure why things seem so different on this side of a year. I don't know why he seems so big all of a sudden. Maybe it's because he started crawling, sitting up and now pulling up on furniture all within a week. Maybe it's the way his hair is suddenly growing over his ears.

I was nursing him tonight before he went to bed and he fell asleep while eating. I can't tell you the last time that happened. I just let him lay in my lap for awhile, looking at him. His feet were hanging off my lap. For some reason, that really hit me. He's going to be walking and talking soon and if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I feel like I'm missing it.

I'm so glad I have the weekends off to be with him, but I only see him for an hour and a half at night before he goes to bed. Usually in that time, he's cranky because he's tired. Sometimes I don't even really get that. By the time I go to my mom's house to pick him up and get home it's already 6pm at the earliest. Most of my time with him is spent in the car. I've been lucky enough to be there for his firsts...I think. I know my mom wouldn't tell me even if I missed something. She knows how hard it is for me to be away from him as it is.

So I'm torn. I'm torn between knowing that working will enable me to provide things to him that I wouldn't otherwise be able to and knowing that my mom gets to see more him during the week than I do. Whenever I get full days with him and we're sitting in his room playing with maracas, and he suddenly drops them and turns to try and crawl in my lap, I just want to hold him and breathe him in and never let him go. I love those moments, and I hate that I feel like I have to hoard them all at once. It's like I have to fill a quota for the week before I go back to work on Mondays.

I think maybe part of my problem is that I'm not exceptional at anything. Seriously. I'm not a great writer, or singer or poet. I'm not a comedian like my husband. I was never a great student and I can't play an instrument. But this? Being a mom? I'm good at this. I love this. And yes, I'm one of those parents whose child consumes their entire life, taking over all conversation and social networking pages and I'm okay with it. Yes, I'm one of those parents whose child is now part of their identity and I'm okay with it.

I say this is a problem because until now, I haven't been passionate about anything. I haven't felt this need to follow something that pulls me from the inside out. Now that I have, I don't know that I can just ignore it  to continue working at a job where honestly, I'm miserable

I'm really hoping with everything in me that my plans for the coming year pan out. I'm scared terrified of making the wrong move. But I have to do something. And so I wait as patiently as I can possibly manage, for things to unfold in front of me.

2011 has to be my year.