Acceptance

This will probably be a very hard post for me to write.

I learned yesterday that a very close childhood friend passed away. It's hard for me to put in to words how close we were. We knew each other from the time we were 3 or 4 and were always like brother and sister. His whole family was like my family. His older sister lived with us for awhile, and I can't count the number of times my sister and I stayed with them. Just today my Mom was talking about the last time he stayed the night with us...when we were in middle school. My Dad had a bit of a freak out about that. But honestly, we were too close to be anything other than friends. We were teased mercilessly in elementary school about being boyfriend and girlfriend. My Mom said I would come home crying about it.

In the last few years, we've lost touch. It's not surprising given the circumstances, but sad nonetheless. The last contact I had with him was through myspace. I went back and read those messages and cried. I never responded to his last one. I don't know why. I guess because I never get on myspace. I'm pretty sure today was the first time I've logged on in over a year. I hope he didn't think I was ignoring him. I hope he knew how much I cherish those childhood memories. The pictures of us in our underwear watching cartoons. Jumping on the trampoline at his house. Playing video games. Him riding the bus home with me without telling either of our parents first.

Anyone who knows me, knows I have issues with accepting death. Death terrifies me more than I can really describe. When it hits so close to home like this, it sends me into an anxiety ridden frenzy. I can't imagine how his family must be feeling. I should call. But I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry? That just doesn't seem to do the situation justice.

His funeral will most likely be sometime this week. This is the first funeral in my lifetime that I've thought I should be there. The thought of it is so painful. But I can't bear the thought of not going. If nothing else just to give his family a hug.

Life is so short. It's so fleeting. Time like this just make me want to hold everyone I love close and never let them go. As soon as Punky wakes up from this nap, he's going to get cuddled until he can't stand it.

Give everyone close to you an extra hug tonight.