Adjustment Period

I said I'd update when I was feeling human again. Honestly, I'm not quite there yet. But I thought I'd take a stab at all this anyway.

Baby girl has made her grand entrance into our lives. Punkin is taking well to being a big brother, and loves to hold his baby sister whenever he can. She was 7lbs 9 oz and though this is not tiny, she seemed that way to us. She's put on some weight since then so she doesn't seem so itty bitty, but she's still very petite. Punkin was a tank from the moment he was born, so it's fun to see her little girl features.

I really wish I could write a post raving about how amazing it is to have a new baby and how we're all puppies and rainbows over here, but I can't. It's been hard. There have been tears shed by all parties involved in up-all-nighters (by all parties, I mean me and baby girl). Nursing was not easy to begin with, and although it's gotten much easier, her latch is still wrong and I don't know how to fix it. I suspect she has reflux. She gags and coughs randomly and has been spitting up/projectile vomiting with increased frequency. Sometimes after feedings (not all of them mind you, just some) she'll cry and cry no matter what you do or how you hold her. She doesn't cry during feedings, only after. This is when I want to pull my hair out. It'll take me hours sometimes to get her to calm down and go to sleep. It's only made worse by the fact that she's tired. So she gets over tired and then just plain won't sleep. Sigh. It's a vicious cycle.

I guess I was just really spoiled by Punkin. He was such an easy baby. As long as he was swaddled up tight and had a full belly he was good to go. He would wake up every three hours at night to nurse and then he'd go right back to sleep without a problem. I didn't think this baby would be the same. In fact I joked that I didn't want to have another one because Punkin was SO good, there was no way I'd get another one like that.

I'm grateful to have maternity leave, but to be honest I'm feeling a little lost. It's a lot, I guess. Being a wife and mom of 2 now and still working from home. Having both kids home right now is like a prison. I have an extra appendage in a baby who never wants to be put down and constant headaches from trying my hardest not to lose it with my toddler who is doing what he's always done, but now I suddenly can't deal.

I'm well aware that this post makes me look like a horrible mom, but it is what it is I guess. I love both my babies and would gladly lay down my life for them, but right now we're all in an adjustment period and all I can do is hope it goes by quickly.

Despite all the stress, they still make my Momma heart warm.